at the moment im having trouble comprehending my emotions, this morning i recieved my letters from the hun school, and pds. I was rejected from both. Its a really weird feeling. I've always sortof thought of myself as a pretty intellectual person. but lately ive been questioning my own intelligence. And the worst part is i dont know what will happen. i mean the plan was get your grades up or go to a private school. now my parents are talking baout bording school. I feel stupid, rejected, i seem to have dug myself a hole i cant get out of, my grades will now affect wherever i apply.
i could look at this in a good way, but even though i wouldnt even want to go to a private school it wouldve helped me feel much more secure knowing i could, like a plan b. now its sortof like, what am i to do know, i guess i just need to focus on school. the problem is i always say that and i end up going to school the next day and cting like i always do, like an idiot. can they really blame me? 7 hours of school. i only agree with one of my teachers methods. im sortof lost at the moment, the fact that one of my friends completely ditched me yesterday didnt help. i dont know where it came from but ive had this saying stuck in my head, "looking for a grasp on moment" its seems to apply to my situation. im scared, i dont know what the future holds, im not sure if its what i want. Things just dont seem as clear as they used to be, friends decieving me, feelings for others are clouded. im not sure who my friends even are anymore. im not sure how to stop myself from breaking the promise ive made so many times before. i want to do well in school. im wondering if there really is something wrong with me, though at school i feel in place, when home, or alone, i feel depressed all the time, im not sure what going on, im confused and lost, much like i felt through most of middle school.
i need something constant under my feet. im not sure when the floor going to cave in or rise up. my group of friends are dispersed, i dont know what im doing, i cant finish anything. ive lost motivation in many aspects of my projects. its been a long while ive been workingo n kyles computer, i feel like im letting everyone down. if it be kyle by not finishing his computer, or my parents with my grades. i dont know what people think of me anymore. i used to be sure of my place, now im not even sure who i should say hi to in the hallway. im lost...
i could look at this in a good way, but even though i wouldnt even want to go to a private school it wouldve helped me feel much more secure knowing i could, like a plan b. now its sortof like, what am i to do know, i guess i just need to focus on school. the problem is i always say that and i end up going to school the next day and cting like i always do, like an idiot. can they really blame me? 7 hours of school. i only agree with one of my teachers methods. im sortof lost at the moment, the fact that one of my friends completely ditched me yesterday didnt help. i dont know where it came from but ive had this saying stuck in my head, "looking for a grasp on moment" its seems to apply to my situation. im scared, i dont know what the future holds, im not sure if its what i want. Things just dont seem as clear as they used to be, friends decieving me, feelings for others are clouded. im not sure who my friends even are anymore. im not sure how to stop myself from breaking the promise ive made so many times before. i want to do well in school. im wondering if there really is something wrong with me, though at school i feel in place, when home, or alone, i feel depressed all the time, im not sure what going on, im confused and lost, much like i felt through most of middle school.
i need something constant under my feet. im not sure when the floor going to cave in or rise up. my group of friends are dispersed, i dont know what im doing, i cant finish anything. ive lost motivation in many aspects of my projects. its been a long while ive been workingo n kyles computer, i feel like im letting everyone down. if it be kyle by not finishing his computer, or my parents with my grades. i dont know what people think of me anymore. i used to be sure of my place, now im not even sure who i should say hi to in the hallway. im lost...
3 comments:
if you need something constant under your feet you can feel safe knowing i won't be a friend to ditch you, not knowing what do to where your going or whats goign to happen is all apart of growing up/being in high school whatever whatever, until we figure ourselves out the feeling probably won't go away, and most of us choose to forget about it and do something fun...
i'll help you keep up with your grades and being as smart as you know you are, because you know you're good enough to get into those schools, they just kind of suck. haha.
keep it real nicky
kathy
wow i didnt know that your grades have gotten that bad man. i know how you feel as i am getting around a D in chem, a C in math and even in english i seem to be behind a bit. i have felt like ive dug myself into a hole as well so and its been quite hard trying to get out of it. ive decided that i should try and concentrate on the things that i want to do when i get older such as learning about film and where i should go to college with the grades that ive been getting. but dont feel like its the end because there are many problems that youve faced in your life and there hasnt been one that you couldnt get over, so what makes you think that a few low grades will change your life for the worse. just keep trying and be yourself because if you cant respect yourself then thats when you start hitting rock bottom. and nick dont shut down socially, friends are what keeps me going through school everyday. so dont stop talking to people i always enjoy the smashing and deep conversations we always have in the hallway without them life would have a deep void in it. keep it real nick, no matter what you do with your life or where you decide to go, i will always think of you as a good friend.
peace out
wow i didnt know that your grades have gotten that bad man. i know how you feel as i am getting around a D in chem, a C in math and even in english i seem to be behind a bit. i have felt like ive dug myself into a hole as well so and its been quite hard trying to get out of it. ive decided that i should try and concentrate on the things that i want to do when i get older such as learning about film and where i should go to college with the grades that ive been getting. but dont feel like its the end because there are many problems that youve faced in your life and there hasnt been one that you couldnt get over, so what makes you think that a few low grades will change your life for the worse. just keep trying and be yourself because if you cant respect yourself then thats when you start hitting rock bottom. and nick dont shut down socially, friends are what keeps me going through school everyday. so dont stop talking to people i always enjoy the smashing and deep conversations we always have in the hallway without them life would have a deep void in it. keep it real nick, no matter what you do with your life or where you decide to go, i will always think of you as a good friend.
peace out